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fat, ugly and unworthy

February 7, 2018

Perfectionism, in my opinion, is fear knocking incessantly at your door and you continuously opening it hoping happiness will be on the other side. 

 

"Hello darkness my old friend," you sing. Because, let's admit it, perfectionism feels comfortably uncomfortable. You can always count on it to keep you small and limited in your personal expression and expansion.

 

Perfectionism is the cloak you wear to hide behind your fear of not feeling worthy of what you deeply desire. 

 

At age 16, all I deeply desired was the scale to say 118lbs. That's it. If the scale would just say 118 lbs than everything would be ok. It would be a great day! I was under the scale's spell and if it didn't read the right number than I wouldn't eat that day, or I would make myself sick after I did. 

 

Perfectionism is a strange and insidious dis-ease that the modern world wears like a medal. Striving for that perfect weight, striving for all A's, striving for 10K months and not praising yourself when you reach $9900, not writing that piece of copy because you're afraid it's not perfect for the incredibly human and imperfect people who will read it.

 

All of this is born out of the fear that unless you do everything right, unless you are perfect you are unloveable. 

 

"I wish I was Meaghan's size. She's just the perfect size." 

 

"I wish I had Meaghan's boobs, they're perfect." 

 

In high school I would over hear these things and write them off as being insane! Why would any one want to look like me? I was fat, ugly and felt 100% unworthy. I couldn't see how inherently beautiful I was because all I saw were flaws. I grew up with women who only saw flaws in themselves. I was surrounded by peers who only saw their flaws. I grew up in a culture that focused on flaws and how to fix them. 

 

I never believed that I was beautiful enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, or worthy enough.  I hated that people said those things about me. I couldn't see what they saw. All I saw was imperfection. So, to battle this I became a perfectionist about maintaining my weight in very unhealthy ways for over a decade. 

 

Once I hit college I decided that I was going to battle this disease and win. Except, hating myself had become such an addiction that adding rules and condemning myself every time I made myself sick only made it all worse.

 

I had lost all hope. I remember lying on the cold Italian tiles in my apartment bathroom contemplating taking my life.  My mom, my brothers and my sister flashed before my eyes and my heart sunk. I couldn't imagine hurting them like that. I couldn't bare being the cause of such sadness. I decided right then and there that I would no longer allow bulimia to run my life.

 

Here I am, over a decade "sober" from my body-image perfectionism and bout with bulimia to share a very important message with you;

 

You are inherently perfect and inherently worthy. You are not stuck. No matter what you are challenged with right now, and no matter how hard life can seem, you are not stuck.

 

You must be willing to move forward, to create the life you wish to live and to break free of being uncomfortably-comfortable in complacency and perfectionism.  In order to live the life of your dreams you must give yourself permission to take risks. 

 

You have something someone else dreams of having. You are living the life someone else wishes they could. You are dreaming dreams that will transform and inspired other people. Your calling is calling you for a reason. It's important and valuable.

 

Are you ready to take that call seriously?

 

Registration is open now for I AM Enough: The seriously magical program for honing and owning your power. Are you ready to kick perfectionism to the curb? Are you ready for a tribe of incredible, inspiring, badass women who are ignited and ready to do their work in the world?

 

Caution: This is not for the faint of heart. This energy is powerful and you will shift. You must be 100% committed to giving your bullshit the eviction notice. 

 

 

Register today - HERE

 

 

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